If it’s coming near you, or even if you have to travel, you must check out Burlesque-a-pades, now on tour. We were titilated, amazed, stupefied, and hurting from laughter. Favorites included Accordion Rock God Corn Mo and the deliciously talented Miss Saturn, but the whole line up was fabulous and the show became a big old perfect love-fest of talent by the end.
Lady Summer turned me onto Matisyahu, who is lifting up my spirits. He’s caused a lot of excitement in several musical corners - some are uncomfortable with his perceived co-optation of reggae (even having been accused of “minstrelsy” by Slate), others with his vague, feel-good message that never gets too specific about his Hasidism.
And yet here I am all noodle-dancy,
singing “you have been a refuge for me”
while my husband sighs embarrassedly.
Isn’t the great journey of music about borrowing, embellishing, and returning to the whole some idea or emotion? What I respond to is his love for the song, and it’s fricking infectious.
So Becca/Dora reports that a man who looked like and dressed like Dick Cheney passed her on the street in Chicago on Friday in a group of similarly statussed people. The old man walked slowly, and when he was nearly past her he addressed her by saying, “Nice nipples.”
As she and Megan were asking each other if they actually heard that said, they walked approximately fifteen steps and a young man leaned out of his window and said to Becca, “Nice nips!”
Ofcourse she has gorgeous nipples & it is extremely odd that 2 strangers should point that out in the space of a few minutes. But even stranger, Dick was actually in Chicago on Friday.
Hmmm.
Conan vs. Bear vs. Coulter vs. Hitler vs. George Washington vs. British Children
Discuss.
It’s not easy being a Biblical literalist. The meaning of words is painfully strained in only the first few paragraphs of Genesis. By the time you get to the end with the dragons and rivers of blood, you look like a complete wingnut for claiming these words are literally true. But the benefits of Biblical literalism far outweigh these minor drawbacks.
Biblical literalism has served as the rallying cry for such righteous crusades as, well, the crusades, slavery, fish-eats-Darwin automobile ornaments, and — most recently — constitutional amendments outlawing hot man-on-man health insurance. But God’s tough love doesn’t stop there. The Sex in Christ website explains how Biblical literalism also promotes bondage, threesomes, and fisting.
So the next time you’re lying in bed with your loved one(s) and thinking “What would Jesus do?” just remember Psalms 145:16: You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
Jesus would do fisting. Thus sayeth the word of God.
Animals.
I’m followed, attacked and loved by them lately, and starting to feel a bit paranoid about it. All God’s creatures may have a place in the choir, but do they need to sing in my ear?
The first time was very sweet, as I ate fish ‘n chips in the sunshiny courtyard over my lunch break. This courtyard is right beneath the helipad, so you’re never sure when happy shiny lunch will be loud, hectic, napkin in your face lunch, but that day all was quiet - until i hear a fluttering and see a bird descend to sit at one of the chairs at my table. Then I realize there are two birds already there at the other two chairs (obliviousness blamed on the David Lodge’s neurotically “Small World”), and all three are staring at me. Now i like birds as much as the next person (if that means the next person rarely thinks about them and when does so, does so with mild disinterest) but this was a bit close for comfort.
They were quite winsome, however, with their ”say WHA?” head tilts that I unconsciously mimicked and their odd seeming fascination with me - is there a better quality in another creature? Occasionally they would trade seats, or hop onto the table to push my comfort envelope. They even seemed to like fried fish. After many minutes in heavy bird conversation, I looked up to see a tablefull of elderly women watching excitedly, perhaps giving me credit for being the next “bird whisperer.”
http://www.worldnakedbikeride.org/chicago/
So I’ve got a lot of tasks I should be completing on my day off. I managed to water the tomatoes. I also separated several things into piles during my (unsuccessful) search for my check book. I walked half a block in scorching sunshine to get a coffee and freak someone out. She freaked me out too. I was politely looking at the cafe art, after handing my mug to the guy and asking him to put americano in it. I am wearing a green t-shirt, an above-the knee khaki/cream skirt, little red and black socks and red shoes. This girl walks in. She is wearing a green t-shirt, an above-the knee khaki/cream skirt, red and black argyle socks, and red motherfucking shoes. She is blonde, though, and has a scarf on wrapped like a headband. This is a relief to me, although I agonized about head covering before I left the house, my brown locks were bare. I said to her, “We could be in uniform.” She says, “I was just noticing that.” Weird pause. “Even the red shoes.” I said, “And red and black socks.” I couldn’t decide whether to introduce myself. The man gave me my coffee and I tipped and complimented him. I put honey and cinnamon in the drink and walked back into the sunshine.
Nobody said a thing about the wooden leg.
WASHINGTON - U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) Tuesday released the following statement in response to the news that Stephen Colbert will speak at the 2006 Knox College commencement:
Stephen, Congratulations on being asked to speak at the 2006 Knox College Commencement. This is an enormous honor and on behalf of the people of Illinois, I’d like to welcome you to our state. As you know, I was invited to speak at Knox after my keynote address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention and subsequent election to the United States Senate. Your convention speech must also have gone really well to have been invited. It’s weird that I didn’t read about it somewhere.
Before you deliver your remarks in front of literally millions fewer people than you would at say, a nationally televised political convention, I’d like to offer you a few words of advice. First, I know you’re fond of your Peabody Awards, whatever those are, but I’d recommend not bringing them. The students at Knox are down to earth and not impressed by materials possessions like my Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album.
Second, use hand sanitizer after the Pumphandle. Lots of germs there. I cannot stress this enough.
And finally, don’t forget to bring the Truth. I’d recommend putting it in your carry-on bag rather than in your checked luggage. O’Hare Airport is notoriously unreliable.
To the Knox College class of 2006, I’m sorry I won’t get to speak with you this year, but congratulations and best of luck. You make us all proud.”